drawings_11.7.13

This man sat across from me on a Bart ride home a few nights ago.  His thick black plastic glasses initially caught my eye, followed by his goatee whose dark silhouette resembles a whiskery peace sign.  I enjoyed drawing this fellow, & am happy with this portrait.

I had an hour to kill & decided to sit in Cafe Soleil and draw whatever I find before my eyes.  I started with the fellow sitting on a stool at the counter.  He wore black from shoulder to toe.  The bearded man on the right wore a black beret.

This drawing was more challenging but I was happy about certain elements-the bow tie, the bench, some of the folds.  My drawings of musicians are more involving due to all the movement.  I piece the image together - a visual puzzle that sometimes blends well.

This fellow sat facing to the right on Bart.  Though a bike supported his arm,  I decided not to include it.  A few days later, my orchid dropped its 3 flowers.  I loved their wilted state and wanted to draw them.  The idea of dangling a wilted flower from the hand in this drawing worked well to my eye, and it helped improve a poor drawing.

Last night, I listened to a piano recital at the sfcm.  I did not begin drawing until the final of four pianists performed.  The jewel in her hair drew me, as well as the two long straight locks of black hair framing her face on each temple.  For some reason, I failed to achieve a visual understanding of her face.  Instead, I began doodling-

cloud

     A Lady Gaga song I listened to as I biked in to work this morning lodged into my head all day. Now I can't even remember which song it was that repeated itself over and over again while I worked. Curious.  My brain stuffed with cotton and sludge these days.  I float along in an alternate reality.  I didn't think it possible that life could be a dream.  I didn't believe Shakespeare's line in the Tempest, when Prospero says, "We are such stuff as dreams are made of, and our little life is rounded with a sleep."  He may be referring to the corporeal self, and in that case perhaps he has a point.  Not only is my life like a form of dream reality that I'm sleepwalking through, but even my body feels unconnected with my consciousness.  I seem to be completely severed from the heaviness and physical truth of the real world.  It's strange how complete emotional and mental destruction can cause this disembodied sense of the self in me.  I don't think I've ever experienced this before.  I am aware that my age has something to do with this.  All is new when experience is no longer lightened by youth.  Aging itself is a very bizarre and incredulous experience.  Trapped is the feeling that gathers momentum as time flows by.  Claustrophobia.
     Sense or not, it may just be hogwash.  Jibber jabber.  Perhaps this dull mental state is easily explained away by the obvious:  a Gaga song beating.  Perhaps it's a result of watching a bit too much TV.
       I don't feel that this evening will be good for writing anything, even a simple blog entry.  Oh well.

     I went to Rainbow early this evening to buy a few items.  Broccoli, a carrot, red leaf lettuce, two japanese sweet potatoes.  One thing that I needed but did not buy was a stick of butter.  I knew I should have visited the dairy section.  Seeing the yogurt, eggs, and milk might have made me remember to buy butter.  There may be enough butter left for breakfast tomorrow.  That should work.  I should have brought a stick over from the Trove.  My problems would have been solved, and I would not have had anything important to forget.  One of these days, I'll start writing lists.  That would help.  I suspect that lists may be just the thing my life needs now.  Making lists for various aspects of life require a certain amount of conscientiousness.  That's my new thing.  I wish to become conscientious about absulutely everything.

con·sci·en·tious

ˌkänCHēˈenCHəs/

adjective

1. 1.

   (of a person) wishing to do what is right, esp. to do one's work or duty well and thoroughly.

   "a conscientious and hardworking clerk"

   synonyms:

   diligent, industrious, punctilious, painstaking, sedulous, assiduous,dedicated, careful, meticulous, thorough, attentive, hard-working,studious, rigorous, particular; More
2. 2.

   relating to a person's conscience.

   "the act does not provide exemption from service on the basis of personal conscientious beliefs"

strand

On your island
you trim the bushes
and label the trees

You peel your grin
from your hairless chin
and cork it inside
your emptied bottle
and throw it
into the sea

Lifetimes later
blurried and grey
you stumble over
your smile again
buried in sand

The Ant

     They crawl on my bags and on my folded clothes.  I brush them off my arms and legs, I feel them on the back of my neck, in my hair.  I see their tiny black blurry bodies after washing my face, when I  open my eyes. A long, thin trail ends at the trash pail in the corner.  They horde around the sink full of soiled dishes in the kitchen.  Hundreds of moving insects frantically at work.
     One ant I see on my bedding on the floor.  He seems to be just wandering aimlessly about.  A good number of them behave in this way.  They seem to be outcasts exiled to the outside lands.  Once they find food, however, the entire community descends on its discovery.  Dirty dishes, trash, dandruff. That is all it takes, sometimes.  My life as a wandering ant has begun.

8-11-2013

Oak Street

"New Year's Eve" - First Aid Kit

Well it's a new year, with it comes more than new fears.
Met a young man who was in tears, he asked me,
"What induces us to stay here?"
I said, "I don't know much and I'm not lying,
But I think you just have to keep on trying."

And I know I am naive, but if anything
That's what's going to save me
That's what's going to save me

Took a stroll around the neighborhood where the trees are swaying.
People passed in cars with their windows down, with a pop song playing.
A man walked by, walking back and forth the street with a drunken smile to go along.
He stopped to look at me and say, "Child, don't fear doing things wrong."

Yet I am still afraid but if anything
That's what's going to save me
That's what's going to save me

Now I have a lot to learn and I'm starting tonight,
Got to stop looking at things like they're black and they're white.
Got to write more songs of a little more, treat my friends better.
Got to stop worrying about everything to the letter.
And sometimes when it's too hard to get up,
It just might be a little call apart.

But I find it hard to believe, but if anything
That's what's going to save me
That's what's going to save me

Tell me, tell me
Oh, what's going to save me?

3.16.13 drawing